COMPULSIVE FRANCHISE DISORDER!

WHAT IS CFD?

I obsess over movie franchises so much that for a few years, I would even celebrate my birthday by marathoning a film series that I had yet to complete, because there was an itch in the back of my brain demanding that I finish what I had started…many years ago…Admittedly, the entirety of the “Puppet Master” franchise is a shitty birthday present, but I can’t help it! I need my fix of sequels, prequels, reboots, remakes, spin-offs, shared universes and shared titles for different universes! I’m fascinated when franchises catch on with the masses, deteriorate into obscurity, burn to the ground and are reborn from the ashes. I love seeing how they adapt and change with the times…or at least how they adapt and change with their dwindling budgets! It’s perfectly normal to follow the sequels of a movie you like, even when they drop in quality, but I didn’t realize I had a…problem…until I started following the sequels to movies I disliked. I hated “Twilight“, but wanted- no, I NEEDED to see “New Moon” or whatever the follow-up was called. I eventually mustered the will to stop flogging myself with those movies, but deep down, I know there will be a time when that itch will return and “Breaking Wind” will mate furiously with my Blu-ray player…and then I will furiously realize that I was watching the even worse parodies…which I think are also part of a franchise at this point, so I’d have have to watch all of those too! When I retired from full-time reviewing, I decided to use my free time to continue my self destructive obsession. I would review every franchise I came across until they destroy me…or I get bored and retire again…

Each franchise will get its own page, where I will cover each entry in a paragraph or two. I will begin with an introduction, which can either reveal my personal history with the franchise in question or set-up the overarching narrative of its rise and/or fall. I will conclude with an overview, where I discuss the fate of the franchise and give my final opinions. There will be two ratings, the first being out of 4-stars and the second being out of 10. The 4-star rating is a reflection of its objective quality, while the 10-star rating is based more around my personal reaction and its worth as a part of the franchise in question. The second rating is also more convenient for ranking the sequels from best to worst, if readers are inclined to do so. To qualify as a franchise, there has to be four movies, although they can be sequels, spin-offs, remakes or sometimes even unofficial sequels. Furthermore, if a film series is ongoing, I will update the page with a critique of the newest addition to the family, when I get the time to watch them. I will sometimes divide a franchise into eras or phases, depending on how many sequels I have to go through. This is usually to give me breaks, as some franchises can have more than 20 films and there is such a thing as a franchise overdose…I will eventually include my previous March Marathons as part of ‘Compulsive Franchise Disorder’, but for now, they are not formal entries of this review series. So I hope you enjoy my narcissistic ramblings writings and if you feel compelled to endure the entirety of these sagas with me…seek help! I’m pretty sure if you look hard enough, you will find a ‘Franchise Addiction’ hot-line and it’s not too late for you…

THE RATING SYSTEM

Keep in mind these ratings are subjective and should not be regarded as more important than the review itself. They’re designed to help convey my opinion, but don’t necessarily define my opinion.

Rating: 10/10 ★★★★★★★★★★  – “Masterpiece” or “Among the Best Movies ever made“.

Rating: 9/10 ★★★★★★★★★☆ – “Great” or “Transcends the limitations of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 8/10 ★★★★★★★★☆☆ – “Very Good” or “Excels within the confines of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 7/10 ★★★★★★★☆☆☆ – “Good“, or “Satisfies expectations of its chosen genre”.

Rating: 6/10 ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆ – “Above Average“, “Decent” or “Acceptable for fans of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 5/10 ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆ – “Average“, “Mediocre“, “Very uneven” or “Achieves the absolute minimum standards for fans of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 4/10 ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆ – “Below Average“, “Subpar” or Falls short of being acceptable for fans of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 3/10 ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ – “Bad” or “Unsatisfactory for even fans of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 2/10 ★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ – “Very bad” or “Will likely anger even the fans of its chosen genre“.

Rating: 1/10 ★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ – “Horrendous” or “Disowned by even the fans of its chosen genre

Rating: 0/10 ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ – “Unwatchable” or “Among the Worst Movies ever made

THE ROGUES GALLERY

This is the index, where I list all the ‘Compulsive Franchise Disorder’ reviews in alphabetical order.

Children of the Corn (1984-2011)

Gamera: The Showa Era (1965-1980)

Gamera: The Heisei/Millennium Era (1995-2006)

Insidious (2010-2018)

Masters of Horror: Season 1 (2005-2006)

Masters of Horror: Season 2 (2006-2007)

Resident Evil (2002-2017)

Underworld (2003-2017)

COMING SOON

This is a shortlist of future subjects, although there isn’t an order to any of them and my next subject might not even appear on the list until I’ve begun working on it. My current project will be highlighted in bold.

Fists of Fury

King Kong

Ringu

Ju-on

X-Men

Undisputed

Hellraiser

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Jesse Stone

Miss Marple

Hatchet

Pumpkinhead

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

The Living Dead Saga

Death Note