Guidelines to Not Sucking at Video Reviewing: “Humor and Semen” Part 1.

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It’s time for MartialHorror to give tips on humor…and semen.

I apologize for doing this, but I had to split the video in half. I wouldn’t be back on till Monday (might not get video done until Tuesday), which means my facial hair would grow out more and I’m terrible when it comes to trimming and the errors in continuity would be too noticeable. I wouldn’t mind filming in a darker setting, but I’ve got to go to work. PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The title card thing was actually planned out the day before filming. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do for a title card (was considering a screenshot of me watching something awful on TV, probably “Meet the Spartans”, while laughing historically and the words would be printed over me), and eventually started doodling and it expanded from there. Originally it was just the words, then the stick figures and it went on from there. I suppose all of that was unnecessary, but I had a blast making it. I was learning more about zooming, sound, etc. Originally I was going to make a quip about Asalieri burning his hand off, but decided it wasn’t necessary. The badness of it all was intentional.

There are a few drawings I didn’t even point out, such as how “I” is drawn as a female. Who is it? GUESS!

Anyway, here is the original script (not counting what will appear in the next video)

Welcome to another Guidelines to not Sucking Episode, Today we’re going to be talking about humor and I wasn’t really sure what kind of title card to create for this subject, so I dreamt up this disirable canvas.

This is art, complete with metaphors, metaphors OF metaphors and metaphors of metaphors of metaphors. Look at the attention to detail among the crudely drawn stick figures, the bizarre placement of letters, the abbreviation of video into vid. it means everything yet nothing yet something all at once. Example, this is clearly Retrogamer3 raping the R in reviewing,

Symbolism? Or what about this one?

The cinema snob, being blasted by Vegeta.

Is it symbolism? Or symbolism of symbolism? Or was I just high when I drew this.

This is me touching a TGWTG reviewer inappropriately. You can probably guess by the feminine hair and breasts who my victim is. Sean the Epic Fail Guy, who is wearing a wig. Why is he wearing a wig? Because this is art!

On the other side we have the Nostalgia Critic and a one-armed AVGN holding hands, crapping on letters spelling humor…while I watch.

That one has to be metaphorical, right? Absolutely. Not! That is what actually happens at conventions.

Move up, and you get a glimpse of Diamanda Hagan drowning in her own semen.

And at the top, we have this timely reference to Asalieri-Zilla stomping through Reviewtopia…and that is also semen. Finally, on the other side we have the Distressed Watcher- AKA the Amazing Atheist- alone in the corner, looking sad.


Apparently his eyes are missing too. So come on, Is this art at its most abstract?

-Or is it a piece of shit that I drew out of desperation for cheap gags and a need for a title card?

I mean writing and scripting was easy and that…well, that’s just fucking lazy and the only time I should use that title font is Guidelines to Not Sucking at Video reviewing episode 13: This is fucking lazy, and that is also semen. But we’re just going to say It’s art. So let’s get into todays subject, humor tips!

Now I know what you’re thinking. Martial, you aren’t funny enough to be qualified to do this. And you’re right. The reason I am the man for this job isn’t because I’m funny, it’s because I’m not funny.

I know from experience what not to do because I’ve pretty broken all the rules of good comedy at some point in my life. But enough about me- because we already know that I’m amazing. Or terrible-

-let’s talk about you. When you’re with people, how do you make them laugh? Or do you make them laugh?

You see, part of the reason my earlier reviews are so…shameful by todays standards, is that I had little experience with humor.

-I’m generally introverted and wasn’t the guy who told jokes, intentionally made a fool of himself and I wasn’t the type who could command everyone’s attention with my charismatic presence.

So what you see here is a guy who had no idea what he was doing. So if you are like me, I’d try being funny around the people who like you…before presenting yourself to the people who won’t.

-But for those who have some experience with cracking people up, I once again ask, how are you doing it? Is it the jokes themselves that tickle their funny bone? Would you describe yourself as witty, using satire, sarcasm or irony? What about puns? Quips? If your strength is within writing these jokes, USE that as long as your delivery doesn’t get in the way. Oh yeah…shit, one needs comic timing to actually pull off a joke. But we’ll get back to that.

And by later I mean, next week. As you’ve probably noticed, it’s getting darker, which is a sign that the day is coming to an end. In the next video we shall complete the humor tips and discuss the different brands of comedy that you may exploit in your reviews and why you shouldn’t be a little douchemonkey and use other peoples jokes.

(Most of the ending was ad-libbed.)